Netflix Constipation

This tends to happen to the most ambitious and dedicated of movie watchers. I've had the same DVD sitting on my TV for maybe 2 months.

Netflix can be a bit daunting; especially in these trying times (I hate that. I hate all references to the economy. Why should I start making broad generalizations on the economy now? I don’t know anything about the economy except that it used to be better). Do I continue to spend $20 per month to let two red envelopes collect dust on my TV stand? I've even downgraded my subscription to just one DVD at a time. To which Netflix responded: nope, you're going to have to keep up - they continued to send me two DVDs. So when Pineapple Express showed up at my door I was quite delighted, although ultimately bewildered. I was immediately enjoying the smoke-filled rooms, heavily-lidded eyes, and bumbling antics of this hilarious buddy comedy.

However, the classic, award-winning One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest did not get such a whirlwind trip to the erratic, possessed tray of my budget DVD player. It behaves a bit like the mischievous cupboard doors in the 'Spoonful of Sugar' number in Mary Poppins.

Every now and then I feel a desperate need to watch all the classic movies I’m ashamed to say I haven’t seen. As a self-proclaimed lover of movies and amateur expert on the subject, I flush crimson upon revealing that I’ve never seen the likes of Casino, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Goodfellas, or the aforementioned Cuckoo’s Nest.

It was in the midst of one of these temporary bouts of shame that I added the Nicholson classic to the top of my queue. It arrived at my apartment, I slid it out of its sleeve, glanced at the title, and thought…I’ll get to that.

It’s been a few months now and I’m down to just the one DVD at a time. I am Netflix’s ideal customer. I pay them a monthly fee to hold on to one single film that I am likely never to watch. Now I’m getting antsy and upon my recent realization that three seasons of Mad About You are available on DVD, I decided it’s time to let go. Time to fish or cut bait. Time to shit or get off the pot. These are all relationship-terminating euphemisms I learned as a child from a movie that’s not on many classic must-see lists these days – Three Men and a Little Lady. Make room for it in your queue.